


Memories x and x Reunion

by cafeakira



Category: Gonkillu - Fandom, Hunter X Hunter, Killugon - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 19:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8460199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafeakira/pseuds/cafeakira
Summary: "Killua...have you ever been in love before?""Why are you asking me that, idiot? You should know I haven't. I've been with you ever since I quit being an assassin.""Well, because I wondered if you knew what it felt like...""What are you going on about?""....I love you, Killua.""....What?""I said I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for awhile now, since Yorknew..."[Killugon, TWO PART story]





	1. Memories

Sun beginning to set; slight breeze drifting in my direction, blowing my silver bangs away from my brow as I gaze towards the ocean, watching the waves crash along the golden shore and my eyes grow distant, recalling a far off memory in my conscious.

_"Hey, Killua! Let's go swimming!"_

_"I didn't bring my swim trunks."_

_"Awwwww, come on Killua! Let's just go in our clothes!"_

_"Oi, Gon! Put me down!"_

_SPLASH!_

_"Haha, Killua! You're wet."_

_"No shit, moron! You threw me in the water!"_

A saddened look crosses my features then and I turn away, my bangs falling down over my face again, obscuring my eyes as I continued to trudge on to the place I called home. A small apartment by aforementioned ocean. It wasn't too expensive despite the location, but I was a Hunter, so nothing was considered expensive really in my case.

I practically scoff as this notion crosses my mind. _Money can't buy happiness Killua._

Though I'm sure my brother Illumi would love to share his insight on that.

_"Happiness is a waste of energy dwelling about. You should be more conservative with your time, Killu. Like how to be a proper heir to the family business."_

A growl practically escapes me as I run his words through my mind. He's honestly so pompous these days, it's infuriating. I can barely stand to talk to him on the phone now, let alone, be in his presence. I'm pretty sure his fiancé, Hisoka, has something to do with his behavior. I never thought my brother would be swayed by that deranged clown. But I suppose they suit each other well. One was pompous, the other perverted, yet they are both equally psychotic.

It's a match made in heaven I'd say.

Which is more then I can say for myself. How my manipulative brother got a significant other before I did, I will never know. But I suppose it's because I'm intimidating and don't really play well with others.

Except one.

My brows furrow as a certain someone crosses my thoughts then.

Gon.

My best friend.

Were we still best friends? We did promise we would be, no matter where we were. But it's been four years since we've last seen each other.

_Four years...._

Has it really been that long? I was eighteen now, meaning I was fourteen when we had last seen each other. I wonder how he looked now...

Not that it mattered. He was still my best friend, but...

Something clenches at my heart. I realize it's my hand that came up to grasp at my chest, nails digging into my skin through the fabric of my shirt, but I hardly felt it. I was becoming numb. Why did this have to happen again, at a time like this? It was as if thoughts of Gon were poison to my heart.

For the past year, Gon frequented my conscious. He always had, but it grew more intense this past year and I can't explain it. But then, I suddenly remember why and palpitations begin to wrack my body as I recalled another memory from that beach.

_"Killua...have you ever been in love before?"_

_"Why are you asking me that, idiot? You should know I haven't. I've been with you ever since I quit being an assassin."_

_"Well, because I wondered if you knew what it felt like..."_

_"What are you going on about?"_

_"....I love you, Killua."_

_"....What?"_

_"I said I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for awhile now, since Yorknew..."_

My body seethes with anger and shame as I recall running away from him then, without hardly another word. The next day, he had acted as if none of it had happened and had his usual bright smile on his face which always complimented his shining caramel brown eyes. But that was the day we separated so he could spend time with his father, Ging. We promised to always be friends, but...I had seen the heartbreak and sadness lurking behind that smile. I broke him that day and I still haven't forgiven myself for that.

I hardly realized I was at my front door until I looked up, listlessly, and stared. _Right, I should probably head inside now before I freak out the neighbors._

As if they weren't already freaked out having a Zoldyck living in the building. Even after six years of not being an assassin, everyone associated my name as such. I almost wished I could change it.

Pushing the minuscule thought from my head, I unlock my door and head inside, kicking off my shoes at the threshold as I shut the door behind me. The only thing on my mind now was Ramen and some tv. I hardly indulged myself like that, but tonight, I needed it, badly, and since drinking wasn't my thing, this was my only option. Basically.

_Ramen and cartoons. Really living the high life now eh, Killua?_

But first, to the shower.

After stripping off my clothes, I step under the warm stream of water as it crashes down onto me and I rest a palm flat on the shower wall with my head down. I attempted to clear my thoughts of everything, though I wasn't sure how well it was working out as Gon's bright, shining face suddenly appeared in my mind's eye.

_Shit. Persistent, aren't you?_

I bang my head against the wall, once, twice, due to my frustration. I guess this is what I get for choosing to live close to the beach we would always go to.

_You weren't so smart now were you, Killua?_

Hissing, I shut the water off and step out, wrapping a towel around my waist. Seems I couldn't even take a shower in peace. Hoping a movie would help relax me, I quickly dry myself off and slip on some boxers before making my way to the couch and flopping down on it after switching on the tv, and began to scroll through the movies, choosing an action flick. Gunfire and crazy action scenes should help clear my overly active mind.

Or so I thought. There was this one scene where the hero of the movie gets pissed and challenges the bad guy to a one on one fight, ordering his partners to not interfere. It was like a slap to my face, as I recalled a similar scene that happened four years ago, during the Chimera Ants mission. I swallowed and it caught in my throat and I finally opted to turn off the tv. It seemed I wouldn't get a piece of mind tonight, nor any sleep, so I stayed on the couch, turning over onto my back, one arm behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling and at my fan spinning lazily above me.

_Gon._

Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? My hands curl into fists. Was this my punishment? Was I forever cursed for what I did to him? Of course, I deserved it. I broke him, wrecked him, made him a little less brighter. I deserved all this and then some. At least, that's what I told myself. I was such a coward, I hadn't even thought to try to reach him. Even if I didn't know his current whereabouts or what he was doing, I could always send a letter to Whale Island. His Aunt Mito would for sure pass it on to him if he ever visited home. Knowing him, he would, because he was nothing like his father, Ging.

Then a strange feeling stabbed me square in the chest as I come to a realization. I had no clue where he was or what he was doing and it gave me an empty feeling. Of course, I hadn't known for over a year or so, but the sudden reminder of it was painful.

_Dammit Gon. You sure are making yourself cozy inside my head, aren't you?_

Giving up on sleep and relaxation entirely, I get up from the couch and decided a late night walk in the fresh air might actually help me this time, so long as I stayed away from the beach. Slipping on some clothes and my sneakers at the threshold, I open the door to a now darkened sky, a cool breeze hitting my skin as I step out and shut the door behind me. I jog down to the sidewalk, exiting my apartment complex and head in the opposite direction, away from the beach.

_Okay, Gon, it's time to leave my thoughts._

As much as I loved thinking of my best friend, it only caused me pain now. Will I ever see him again? I hoped to, someday, and ask for his forgiveness. By then, I hoped my own feelings will be sorted.

_"Assassins don't waste time on tedious things like love and other emotions."_

Again, my brother's words flow through my conscious and I'm almost ready to rip my hair out. If it wasn't Gon consuming my mind, it was Illumi and his bullshit.

_I can never catch a break, can I?_

My body stirs with exhaustion and it wasn't from my jogging. I was barley breaking a sweat. No, it was my overactive mind that was making me feel a lack of energy. I stop jogging and lean over, hands on my slightly bent knees as I took a deep breathe. That helps relax you, doesn't it?

When I straighten up, I realize my legs had brought me to the beach on their own accord and I curse a string of curse words under my breathe.

Though I had to admit, the moon looked rather beautiful, the way it shone down on the still and calm water of the ocean. It almost took my breathe away and nostalgia hits me once again.

_"Killua, you know what you remind me of?"_

_"No, what?"_

_"The moon."_

_"Erm, why?"_

_"Cause the moon reflects darkness, but it's still beautiful."_

_"...so what are you implying here?"_

_"That you're full of darkness, but despite that, you're still beautiful. You hold beauty within yourself and it shines at the most unexpected moments."_

_"Tch! You're so embarrassing, you know that?!"_

_"But I'm saying the truth! Besides, you're blushing so much right now, it's really cute you know."_

_"I'm blushing cause you're an embarrassing moron! And no, I'm not! Cut that out!"_

Well, if I'm the moon, Gon, then you're for sure the sun. You always shine so brightly, it's like the sun made it's home on your face. It blinds me and I found myself looking away from you on several occasions, but, I still found myself wanting to be at your side.

Hands clench at my sides. But here I was, the moon, away from the sun, for four years now. My moonlight has been dim ever sense. I wonder how your sunlight is doing?

I wince at the thought of it being as dim as I was. I couldn't imagine Gon ever being that way.

But on second thought, it's been four years. What if he got over it? What if I was the only one dwelling on the past? What if he found someone new to fill the void in his heart that I left him?

My heart practically shatters as I ponder that thought. That didn't happen....right? But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed likely and I found myself trembling. With fear or emotion, I wasn't sure.

 _So what if he did?_ I tried telling myself, but it didn't work. The mere thought of someone else taking my place, making Gon happy, utterly shattered my very being.

Feet kicking up sand as I ventured onto the beach, sneakers now in hand, I made my way towards the water, the quiet of the night consuming me whole. I was hardly aware of what I was doing. My thoughts took me to a dark place and made me listless. I no longer cared what happened to me then. Just when I thought I could drown myself and wash away, I heard a voice. A voice I hadn't heard in so long, yet still recognized it as soon as it hit my ears. A voice I longed to hear again for far too long now.

"Killua?"

I turn slowly, hardly daring to believe my ears, but the minute my blue eyes laid upon him, I knew it wasn't all in my head.

"Killua? Is that you?"

A step is taken towards me and there he was. Gon. Standing beneath the moonlight.

"Killua. Answer me. What are you doing?"

I willed myself to speak, but the words wouldn't come. My mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, leaving me standing there looking like an idiot with my mouth agape.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it, Killua?" His brown eyes held so much emotion; his voice strained, as he spoke again and I had to force myself not to look away from that gaze. It was the same one he had worn when we parted ways.

 _What are you doing? Speak, you idiot!_ My conscious practically screamed at me and I closed my mouth to swallow, before opening it again to speak.

"Yeah..." I croaked out, my voice hoarse as I gazed longingly at the male in front of me, the one I had missed with every part of me, as much as I had tried denying it. "It sure has been.."


	2. Reunion

"It's been four years, hasn't it?"

I could only nod at Gon's question, his gaze still clouded with emotion. He was really making it hard for me to keep my own gaze steady, though I can feel tears beginning to sting the back of my eyes.

A few more steps are taken towards me and I now have a better view of him. He hasn't changed all too much in four years. His baby face was still intact, though it was much more firm and chiseled, not to mention his body was more built and he grew taller, standing a few inches above me; and he used to be the shorter one by a mere inch or two.

"You look the same." A sad smile appears on his features as he observes me with those caramel brown eyes of his and I can feel my skin burn with embarrassment. "Haven't you been working out?"

"Of course I have!" I snap, feeling the fire of our friendship slightly returning. "I go for a run every morning and every evening too."

Gon laughs, and the delicate sound hits my ears longingly and I realize how much I've missed that sound. His laugh was always full of light and life. Hell, he was light itself. Anything he did was always bright.

"Alright, alright, I believe you." He holds up his hands defensively before that sad look returns to his eyes. "In all honesty though, Killua, I've missed you."

Those words stab me in the heart and it took all my effort not to cry and clutch at my chest. "I've missed you too." I manage to croak out, my voice cracking with emotion.

"Have you really?" Another step is taken towards me. "Then why haven't you tried contacting me?"

"You lost your Nen, Gon." I manage to regain my composure and my voice comes out tiredly. "I didn't want to disturb you while you were training to get it back. Besides, you were with your dad."

"Those just sound like excuses, Killua."

Those words were honestly a slap to my face. Ouch.

"I was being considerate." I couldn't help retorting. Why was I being so defensive? "They're not excuses." If I had felt slight fire returning to our friendship, it was quenched now.

"Whatever you say."

Awkward, strained silence spreads between us, and I found myself desperate for it to break. I needed to hear Gon's gentle voice, his musical laughter. But all I was getting was rough words and accusations. It honestly stung.

It took a moment, but he finally broke the silence, much to my relief, though his voice sounded hard.

"So, you live close by?"

I nod, eager to keep this conversation going, no matter what it took. "Yeah. I just rented an apartment here about a year ago.." _Which I guess would explain why you've been on my mind more frequently this past year_.

"I see." Was all Gon said, turning his gaze away from me and it was so quiet again, I could hear my own heart pounding inside my chest. Not wanting the silence to spread again, I speak up.

"Want to come over? To my place I mean..."

Caramel eyes turn to meet my blue ones and my breathe catches in my throat.

"Yeah." He said slowly. "Sure."

I nod before turning to lead the way off of the beach, back to the all too familiar path I take my run on every morning. I knew it like the back of my hand, honestly. If I was blind, I'd be able to traverse it with no problem. Gon followed me; I could hear his soft footsteps just behind me and I pause momentarily to slip my shoes back on before continuing. Unfortunately though, the awkward silence reared it's ugly head and I find myself fuming to myself.

_Talk to him, you worthless shit. It's been four years. You've missed him, so say something! Anything!_

My conscious was seething with anger. It wasn't the only one honestly. I, myself, was burning with irritation at my cowardice.

_"Are you really an assassin, Killu?"_

I could practically hear Illumi's mocking voice.

_I'm not an assassin. I'm Killua Zoldyck, blacklist Hunter._

I immediately defend myself against the imaginary older brother in my head. Though his words were spoken once, a long time ago, when I had refused to go on a job my parents had required me to do. Illumi had teased me that whole day, catcalling crude remarks in my direction.

After a moment, I push that trivial memory from my brain and returned my focus on what was really important.

And that was Gon.

My best friend.

_We are still best friends right?_ I couldn't help thinking this once again. _I mean, he did say he had missed me. That meant something...right??_

If overthinking got you a reward, I'd have a basement full of them. I was an expert when it came to overthinking. I did it so often lately, I was surprised my brain hadn't blown a fuse.

_Nah, that's Gon's thing._ This amused thought runs through my mind and I couldn't help giggling quietly to myself as I recall on several occasions when Gon's brain had burned out from thinking too hard.

_I wonder if he still does that._ I think wistfully.

Gon clearing his throat behind me brings me back to the present moment.

"So what kind of Hunter did you decide to be, Killua?"

"Blacklist." I respond, heart sinking as I come to the realization that I no longer really knew my best friend. "You?"

"Bounty." He laughs, though it sounded slightly hollow and rather forced. "Funny how we chose categories that compliment each other."

"Indeed." _Maybe it's fate?_

_"You don't honestly believe in something as silly as fate do you, Killu?"_

I swear...if it wasn't my own conscious, it was Illumi's words that would takeover my mind. I couldn't afford to crack under the pressure and frustration though. Not in front of Gon.

To my relief, my apartment complex came into view then and I begin to jog the rest of the way, hoping the cool air would help relax me before I let Gon inside my place.

_Gon was at my place. Oh my god._

How cheesy it was for me to get all bashful at something like that.

"Here we are." I tried chirping out cheerfully, as I took out my keys to unlock my door and pushed it open, allowing Gon to step in first.

"Nice place." He commented, as he entered the threshold and kicked off his shoes as he gazed around the hallway.

"It's not much." I shrugged, though in my perspective, it really was. Not money wise though. This place was much more than that. It held a lot of memories for me and recollections that I held dear to my heart. Probably the reason why I moved here, despite the intrusion Gon has been making inside my mind.

"I find it kind of nostalgic how you decided to live close to the beach we'd always visit." He continues as I lead the way down the hall, my sock covered feet not even making a sound on my wooden floor.

My face burns. "Well, I really like it here. Plus, it's pleasant to come back to after all the hard jobs I take on."

"That makes sense."

"Make yourself at home." I gesture towards the couch as we arrive to the living room, flipping on the dimmer switch as I do so, the blanket I had used earlier still strewn on the cushions. "You want anything to drink? You must have traveled awhile."

"Just water is fine."

"Playing it safe, eh?" I was trying hard to sound lighthearted and teasing, but Gon wore such a serious gaze, I immediately fell silent.

"Well, I rather not be intoxicated while reuniting with my best friend."

_'My best friend...' He just called me his best friend._

My heart practically skipped beats at those words and I had to force my legs to take me to the kitchen because I had frozen in delight. It made me giddy, if I had to be honest. But I kept it to myself. Gon didn't look like he was in an amused mood at the moment, I, myself, had to play it safe with my words. Taking a deep breathe, I fill him a glass of cold water before making my way back to the living room, where I perched myself on the couch, a decent distance separating us, before I handed him the glass, which he took, his tan fingers brushing my pale ones briefly.

This small moment of contact almost made me gasp, and I had to withhold it, not wanting him to take it the wrong way.

Flustered, I take my hand back and bring it to rub the back of my neck absentmindedly, my nimble fingers working themselves into it anxiously.

"S-So anything new?" I stutter out awkwardly as I watch him bring the glass delicately up to his tan, soft looking lips and take a sip.

_Wait...why am I observing him so closely?_ My cheeks grow warm. But, to be honest, how couldn't I? Last time I had seen Gon, he was cute, of course, but he had been fourteen and dorky, though I always loved that about him. His face still had that childish glow about it at that time, and it still did, but there was something more to it now. Like the way his jaw was so firm and chiseled; his arms weren't ripped per se, but they were sturdy and well built, proof that he hadn't missed a day in working out and training. And his bronze-tan skin, my god. It was dim in my living room, yet it still glowed. How was that even possible?

_What even are you, Gon?_

Gon shrugs in response to my question as he sets the glass down onto my coffee table that was in front of us, centered in the middle of the room.

"Besides training and work, I don't do much. I spend time with Pika and Leorio though, once in awhile. They're together now, did you know that?" He turns to face me and his brown eyes meet my blue, so hard, that I was surprised he didn't bore holes into my skull.

"No, I didn't." I admitted. "I've been pretty MIA with them too."

"They would mention you a lot to me, you know. Telling me to go that extra mile to track you down and come see you myself. It wasn't surprisingly difficult to find you. You're a pretty well known blacklist Hunter. Double star."

"Yeah, well." I sheepishly grin, though it soon faded into a hard line seconds later. "So does that mean you didn't want to see me?" This made my heart sink as I nervously waited for his response, my brow creasing as I gaze at him.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be here, Killua."

"But it took you so long to do so.."

"You aren't one to talk about that."

_Shit, he hit the nail right on the head._ And it hurt, immensely.

"I'm sorry." My voice was laced with as much emotion as I could muster into those two words. "But..I dunno...I was scared and-"

"Of what, Killua?" He cuts me off, like a knife, slicing off my words like nothing, as if they didn't matter. "Why were you scared of me?"

"I-it wasn't you!" I speak again, desperately. "But you told me you loved me...in love with me and I..."

"And you ran away." He finished. "You know Killua, as someone who used to kill on the daily without any effort, you're pretty cowardly."

There it was. The anger and harshness Gon was known for. The same kind he displayed when we had confronted Pitou during the Chimera Ant mission.

_Why are you being like this now, Gon?_ I wonder, trying my best not to shake, but my hands weren't responding to my plea, and I had to use one to stop the other from shaking.

"Do you have anything to say now?"

I didn't respond, nor did I meet his gaze, having turned away from him after those heart-wrenching words.

"Killua. Look at me. Or are you still a coward?"

That did it. I jump up and angrily look at him, unable to contain my anger and hurt any longer. "I'm not a coward!" I shout, my voice shaking with as much vigor as an earthquake.

He stands up also, but more calm and coolly. "Then prove me wrong, Killua."

_How the hell was I supposed to do that?_ I gulp, now finding myself in a hole, a deep, dark hole I basically thrust myself in when I decided to defend my honor and exclaim that I, in fact, wasn't a coward, though I very much thought myself as one too.

"I...I..." I stutter out lamely, unsure and unable to respond to that request.

"You can't, can you?" He takes a few steps towards me, practically looming over me and I find myself afraid of him. Gon has never hurt me, but fear clouded my judgement at the current moment and I push him away with my thin, pale hands on his chest. 

"Stop it, Gon."

"Stop what?" His large hands grasp my wrists then and next thing I know, I'm pinned up against a wall, my arms held down above me. His face is so close to mine, I can feel his hot breathe on my skin.

"Let go of me."

"You really think I'd hurt you, Killua?" The tone in his voice changed drastically, from hard to soft and laced with hurt and disbelief.

I didn't know how to respond. Guilt immediately filled my gut. _You sure know how to make your words get to me, don't you, Gon?_

"N-No..I just...I...I..." Pathetic. I was absolutely pathetic. And quite possibly the worst best friend on this planet. His next words basically verified this.

"You don't understand how hurt, broken and distraught you left me, Killua." His forehead is leaned onto mine.

"I know..." I manage to speak a complete sentence then. "And I'm so sorry for that...I haven't forgave myself for it either, if it makes you feel any better."

"Why would that make me feel better?" Gon leans back enough to look at me, completely aghast. "Why would you being hurt make me feel better?"

"I wholly deserved it, Gon. I broke you." His grip on my wrists loosened and I pull one of my arms out of his grasp, bringing my now free hand up to caress his tan cheek, tears beginning to cloud my vision. "I'm so sorry, Gon." A sob escapes me, and embarrassed, I bury my face into his chest, feeling it's firmness beneath it.

"You can be such a dummy, you know that?" He releases my other arm and uses that hand to push me back gently and cups my chin. "But you're so cute."

"Oh god." I murmur, wiping at my eyes and laughing a little. "You're so embarrassing."

"I'm honest though." His thumb slides to my cheek and rubs circles on it. "My feelings haven't changed, Killua. I still love you. These four years away from you did nothing about them."

My hands curl up on his chest and I look steadily into his eyes, cerulean meeting caramel and I swear, I stopped breathing for a minute or two.

_He loves me. He still loves me._

I eventually inhale sharply before exhaling. I would not run away this time, because at that moment, I come to the realization that I loved him too. I always have, but I had been too afraid to give in to my feelings back then, those four years ago.

"I love you too, Gon..." I respond softly, and he smiles, so brightly that it blinded me, and next thing I know, his head tilts slightly and his soft looking lips, the one I had admired earlier, were on mine. I slide my arms around his neck and pull him close, his own hands sliding down my sides before gripping my thighs and lifting me up against the wall. My legs wrap around his waist as I kiss him, quite passionately I might add. I was putting four years of feelings, emotions, and so much more into that one kiss.

His tongue eventually slips out past his lips and prods mine, asking for entrance, which I allow, and his tongue intrudes my mouth, rubbing against my own tongue and I moan.

"Oh _god_ , Killua. Your voice is so cute." Gon breaks the kiss momentarily to speak and he laughs softly.

My pale cheeks turn a deep crimson. "Moron. Don't say things like that. It's so embarrassing."

"But its the truth." Gon rubs his nose with mine playfully. "Your beauty baffles me, Killua."

"Stop it." Oh boy, was I ever so red. I didn't think it was possible for me to be this shade of red. Apparently I was wrong.

"Make me."

And I did, by kissing him, which he returned, adding a hip thrust against me for good measure.

"Oomph! Cut that out, idiot! You're making my hormones go crazy here."

"That's the point." He grinned sheepishly, leaning closer to nibble my ear and I gasp.

_Was he an expert at this sort of thing?_ I forget how experienced he was thanks to those women on Whale Island.

"Stupid." I grumble and now it was his turn to shut me up with a kiss.

When he broke it, his words take me by surprise.

"Be mine, Killua."

Heart fluttering in the confines of my chest, I smile, and nod. "Okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for the way I ended this, please! Dx I hope you all enjoyed this little reunion fic and hope I did it justice. Can't get enough of these smol beans, amirite? xoxoxo


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